Better Connecticut

This morning Elsa drove over from her house to take Grammy and me to be in the audience of Better Connecticut. This is a show that airs for an hour-long at 3pm on CBS every weekday, and follows similar formats to the Today Show or Good Morning America, except it features all CT owned things. It features two local celebrities as the hosts, and one is Scott Haney. Scott is a flamboyant, middle aged, gay man who is very dramatic and Grammy finds him really funny, (which he is).

We kept reminding Grammy yesterday that we had this on the docket. She doesn't do a very good job of remembering what she is told, and often she will accuse you of not telling her or warning her of anything, but quite often we do. When we told her yesterday that we'd be going to be in the audience for the show, she couldn't quite pin down what the show was (even though we watch it pretty regularly), and she sort of understood that Elsa was coming to take us somewhere, but since I didn't know where it was, she just kept on asking if Elsa was coming and knew where to take us.

Apparently all last night she had nightmares about Sol and I taking her to NYC and putting her in a skyscraper. She had a poor night's sleep and woke up in full anxiety. Sue came over before I got up to make sure Grammy was ready for Elsa and when I got downstairs, she filled me in on Grammy's concerns. Luckily, we gave Grammy one of her old anxiety pills (which was the plan all along) and let her walk around outside before Elsa came. Once Elsa came, Grammy was already visibly more calm, and when she was extra assured that we weren't going to NYC, she started to realize that it was just in her mind.

The three of us left Sue to her work, and Sol still in bed, and drove over to the CBS studios in Rocky Hill. Grammy couldn't believe 'how far away' the studios were from Hartford, or from where she knew the anchors lived. She commented on this the entire day. Elsa managed to park in a handicapped spot (Grammy has a tag) in the wrong parking lot (it was definitely misleading). So we got to walk through the office space for the CBS news to get to the studio. There were only two seats next to each other free in the second row, so I let Elsa and Grammy take those, and I sat in the middle of the front row.

It was a good show to watch. They filmed for about an hour and had stuff about style, cooking, music and news. It was a surprisingly full audience that day, with a variety of sexes and ages. Grammy definitely seemed to enjoy it, and I did too. We even got some maple chocolate chip cookies out of the deal. Later on in the day we all watched it as it aired on tv at 3pm, and Grammy couldn't understand that we had seen it at 10am and it was just being aired on tv later. But it didn't seem to bother her too too much.

She started to have more panic attacks in the afternoon. She took a walk for fresh air, but I also gave her a pill at 4pm. I think it helped, but she never quite got over the stress of it all. Elena called this evening and I could hear Grammy explaining how she is frustrated with how she is feeling (the anxiety, the boredom, the forgetfulness). As I've said before, Grammy often feels like this, but it's not constant. Every once in a while she'll get stuck in a rut about it, like this afternoon and evening. I think the excitement of the morning was enough for a full day for her, so she was worn out this afternoon. She also had the bad sleep last night. She's cleaning the kitchen (even though we have a new dishwasher) in order to keep her up past 7pm. She just wants to go upstairs and lay down with the cat, but we don't want her to be up all night or way early in the morning.

Tomorrow Sol and I leave for New York, and he will leave me there on Saturday and I fly to Israel for three weeks on Sunday. It's quite a trip, and I feel bad for the time that Grammy might have to stay alone while I'm gone. Of course Sue is around and Elsa, Laura and (maybe) Elena will be around, but there will definitely be hours when she's just by herself. I'll also miss Sol a lot on this vacation. Maybe this seems obvious, but the past recent years when I'd leave for extended trips it wasn't so bad. I think it'll be hard because we've been used to spending so much time together.

Grammy quotes:

"...her husband...boyfriend... I don't know what he is. He's very nice... her best friend." Grammy talking to Elena on the phone trying to reference Sol. I think she did a great job. Then she said "I would hope he'd like to do more things than what we do" about him. She's certainly right, but he's been immensely patient and positive in the face of a horrible jobs economy. Luckily, he'll be able to go up to Maine while I'm gone and do some landscaping with one of his friends (and earn some money)!

Photos:

Grammy and Elsa in front of the CBS building in Rocky Hill, entering through the wrong door on our way into the Better Connecticut studio.

Grammy and Elsa on the end of the second row in the audience of Better Connecticut. The woman in the red was on the show making chocolate mousse with avocados.

The set of Better Connecticut from my vantage point in the front row.

Rough Morning

Grammy had a rough morning.

I went down to the basement to put in some laundry and by the time I came back up, she was outside in her coat and with her cane going for a walk. She came back in at one point and said she needed to leave because she felt like she couldn't breathe in the house. She asked for a anxiety pill (which she doesn't get in the morning pills anymore as she's transitioning onto the zoloft), so I gave it to her. Then she went out for a walk up and down the street for nearly another hour. She managed to run into her friend Mary, who lives a couple of houses down while she was outside raking in her front lawn. She talks about Mary whenever we walk by her house, and yesterday on our walk she told me that she likes Mary because "she's a good catholic."

The rough morning gave way to a fine afternoon. After walking around outside for a while this morning, Grammy took a break and then decided to go out and rake some leaves. It was actually quite warm today (in the mid 50's), so the raking was just a good excuse to be outside enjoying the weather. So much physical exertion made her tired and put out her knees, though, so she spent the afternoon inside. She enjoyed (I'm serious) folding out laundry today. She aided in preparing dinner by crushing garlic and cutting up broccoli and kale. She managed to finish off a chocolate cake with oreo frosting with her bare fingers.

Tonight she took a shower under the guidance of Sue. She knows that tomorrow we will be going with Elsa to be in the Better Connecticut audience. Today we watched the show to get ourselves ready and Grammy noticed that 'she shouldn't care if she washes her hair because no one will see her,' but I noticed that when they span the audience, the mean age looks to be about 60, and the mean chromosomal count is XX. Should be interesting! More to come on that tomorrow.

In general, when I came back from Madison Sue was recounting everything that happened while I was gone. She ended by saying that it's getting worse every day. I think that she's right, but Grammy is still doing relatively alright in spite of things deteriorating. She is very aware that she's losing the faculties of her mind. She knows that she has anxiety attacks and she is pretty good about trying to deal with them on her own and with medicine. She still remembers who is family, even if she can't place the name. She still totally appreciates having people around and what we do for her. I think that above all, she doesn't want to be alone.

Every now and then she will have moments that are depressing. For example today she sat down around 1pm in her chair in the living room to rest a bit and watch tv and lamented about how everyday it's the same thing, and it's the same television, and nothing is interesting, but she can't do anything else. She's right, daytime tv seems almost insulting with how formulaic and repetitive it is. I suppose they don't expect the same people to be watching all day, every day.

But the depressing moments are temporary, so there is solace in that even if they are bound to return. I can tell that it will be very difficult for me to leave and not be able to help out for decent amounts of time anymore, but such is life. I hope that I at least manage to call her every once in a while. She's not very into talking on the phone, but she's ok with it in certain situations.

Let's see...

Let's see...

I arrived home to CT at about 9:30pm last night from Madison, WI. I spent the long weekend there as a prospective grad students at UW Madison. My mom visited with me, and we checked out the area through Monday. It was a good trip, even if it was cold!

Now I'm back home with Grammy and Sol and all is well. While I was gone Grammy visited the doctor with Elsa and got a new prescription to deal with her anxiety attacks. It will take a bit to build up in her system, so it's been a little bit of an experimentation period with how much to give her of her old anxiety pills as the new one builds up. I think that by the time I got back it was mostly figured out. She still needs some of the old ones to get through the day and sleep through the night, but after a week or so the new stuff should be kicking in.

Grammy's day started out with Sue coming over a little before 7:30am to check on her. When I got up at about that time, Sue had Grammy taking a shower (but not washing her hair). Then we all hung out until nearly 8:30am when Sue had to start working. Then Grammy did a bit of yard work (collecting leaves) and I put in an "express loaf" of onion and potato bread.

At about 11am, Judi (Grammy's home care worker) came over and the guys from Home Depot came and delivered a brand new dish washer for the kitchen! Grammy still had the original dish washer from when they moved in, in 1979, and it didn't work anymore. The delivery guys were very quick, and then Grammy and Judi hung out for the normal 3 hours.

Meanwhile, Sol got a call from the auto shop that his car was fixed, so we went to pick it up! It needed a new clutch and a new part to the transmission, along with plugging a couple of leaks. It was in the shop for about a week, so it was great news that it was ready for pick up.

In the afternoon, Grammy hung out and watched Keeping Up Appearances with me, and at about 3:30pm Sol and I went for a run. Within a minute after we left, Grammy walked over to Sue's house asking for an anxiety pill. As soon as she realizes she is alone, she feels strong anxiety.

When I got back from the run (I went for an extra lap after Sol), Grammy and I met at the intersection in front of her house, both walking up and both surprised to run into each other. She was out walking to get "some fresh air" and I was walking off the run. We walked together up the street and back, but she managed to come back inside and stay for the rest of the night.

We made some pasta with delicious store-bought turkey meatballs in sauce, and an interesting arugula, kale salad with whatever vegetables we had around. Sue came over and we all ate together. Then we made strawberry daiquiris and hung out. Overall, it was a nice day back. It is nice to have a "home base" and I enjoy having out with Grammy (and she always enjoys people being around).

Grammy speaks:

"She's so sentimental!" --Grammy talking about Elena upon hanging up the phone with her. I don't know what they were talking about, but whatever it was left Grammy talking about how sentimental she is. She even went so far as to say that at some point her and "my mom" (she called Sue my mom all day) were talking about moving South, where it would be cheaper to live, and she thought it would be good if they could live closer to Elena.

Grammy photos:

Grammy and I taking a selfie together, trying hard to make it enthusiastic!

Making penne with meatballs and salad (I'm wearing the deliciously warm scarf knit by my friend Allyza for my birthday)

Grammy and I in the kitchen preparing dinner

Grammy chopping vegetables for our dinner salad

Grammy on the phone with Elena before dinner

Grammy's Birthday

Today started off with a surprise birthday breakfast courtesy of Sue. I heard some doors closing and opening and thought that Grammy was shuffling around. It was still pretty early so I stayed in bed. Then I heard Grammy talking and I figured she was talking to her cat, but then I heard Sue. When I walked down I found Sue and Grammy feasting on some fantastic pancakes and fresh fruit. It was so cute :) I think Sue should do that every morning so we can all start our days on a positive note. Then the cutest part is at the end of the meal, when Sue was leaving to start work, Grammy gave her a little kiss and a thank you. It's less cute because Grammy woke up with a fat cold sore on her lip...so she may have given Sue the germs. haha. But in all seriousness, for as much as Grammy complains that she doesn't like people taking care of her, she definitely does appreciate it. Every night when I walk upstairs with her, turn on her tv and put some toothpaste on her toothbrush for her she says "thank you" as I leave her for the night. It's so sweet.

Today Grammy seemed to have enjoyed her visit with Judy again. At least she feels that way as soon as Judy leaves, but it's probable that by the end of the day she'll be back to complaining that she has to come. I came in the room at the end of the visit and the two of them were talking about the family. Then my dad came up in the context of family members who are Jewish. Then Grammy brought up the story from when my dad was the family's paper boy in Maryland and Grampy would come out of the house to check to make sure his paper was delivered on time every morning. She laughed that Grampy just did that to tease, he actually liked him. Haha. I've heard the story from both of my parents as well, so it clearly left a mark on everyone.

We've also gotten a record amount of phone calls today, but mostly because everyone is calling to wish a Happy Birthday, which she seems to have enjoyed.

I managed to get her to sit for a photo with all of her birthday cards. Unfortunately there is bad back lighting, but at least we have a record of when she turned 81.

You'll be happy to know that THREE of you got Grammy the exact same card (my mom, Kristen and Cathey). It's a good one-- a Vday and Bday combo.

Grammy (and other) quotes:

"That animal hasn't budged, are you sure it's not dead?"- She said this after Rico had been sleeping on the chair for about an hour.

"Emily Hernandez Goldstein and 4 other friends posted about the Grammys"-- My friend texted me that this is what her Facebook feed told her on Monday.

"It's just so terrible when they have the littlest... If they're going to have boobs have them or shut them!"-- Watching Rihanna's dress at the Grammy's on Ellen today. She disapproved of the low cut dress.

"I've been standing around the door forever!"-- She told Mary Ann this on the phone. She meant that she'd been sitting next to the phone forever because so many people were calling her for her birthday. She definitely enjoyed the calls.

"I never thought in a million years that I'd get this old. But now that I'm here, it's not so bad."-- Grammy when we remind her that she just turned 81.

Sue shows Grammy her iPhone with a photo of our cousin Janie's dog up-

Sue: "Here Mom, here's a photo of Janie's dog."

Grammy: "Ohhh he's ugly..."

Sue: "Yeah, he's so ugly that he's cute"

Grammy: "Noo...he's just ugly. He looks like he's been on a bender." HAHAHA

Feb 13

Ode to ironing:

Yesterday's morning ravings were about the "beautiful iron!" that we have down in the basement. She just loves that iron and ironing. All day she was talking about something that is beautiful and lo and behold it's an iron... (Meanwhile I'm reading about banded iron formations to prepare for my visit to University of Wisconsin...) She took the time to iron the stuff that she found in the dryer, which happened to be a bunch of sheets and towels. :p

Yesterday was a pretty low key day. Laura, who had been here since Wednesday, left in the late morning. Grammy did random house chores, hung out, and watched tv. I did some chores, read some papers and watched tv. Sol hung out, played his playstation, and read.

Grammy- Relationship Counselor:

At some point Grammy got it in her mind that Sol and I should be sitting together and talking more often. Usually he's in another room, I guess. In the afternoon Grammy decided that she wanted to give us some time to spend together and she went upstairs to rest in her room with her cat. I wasn't sure if it was really about us or if she just wanted a chance to take a nap, so I figured either way it doesn't matter.

Now, of course Sol and I have PLENTY of time to talk and be together. We've been together for more than half a year, almost constantly. If we are doing separate things during the day (even if it is in the same house) it's not a sign of a degrading relationship or us feeling uncomfortable hanging out in front of Grammy. So thanks anyway, Grammy...I hope you will stop worrying about our relationship.

Still, whenever he is getting himself something from the kitchen, Grammy looks at me and says under her breath, "You're not going to help him with that?" or "You're not going to get that for him?" I tell her no...she'll probably be telling people soon that I don't do enough for him. HA! :)

Chef Cooperdock:

Last night Sol made bbq chicken calzones from scratch. It's was an experiment, his first attempt at something that he hopes to master. They turned out pretty well and Grammy enjoyed the fact that he was cooking dinner.

Sol's job?:

There is still no job happening. He's put in countless applications and went to different places to inquire about the progress of his application. Still, most of the places don't do any hiring on site, it's all through big corporate firms, so it goes very slowly and is difficult to follow up. He has new hope from a friend and ex-trail crew member in Maine that does landscaping. It's probable at the moment that Sol will go up and do a couple projects with him in March, especially while I am in Israel. As much as I don't want him to be far away when I'm here, I'm glad that this might work out for him. First he needs to get his car repaired...but it's in the shop now so it should be fixed soon.

Today:

Grammy has received a lot of great birthday cards and small gifts. Rosie and Bob sent an edible bouquet that was delicious! Laura made a very tasty cake that was finished tonight. Mario sent some flowers that we put in a vase today. Otherwise, we had our normal visit from Judy during the day and today Grammy didn't complain at all or look displeased with her coming. Usually after Judy visits she is pretty tired for the rest of the afternoon, so she's been hanging out pretty contentedly. We even managed to wash her hair in the kitchen sink this evening! We had a delicious dinner tonight and Sue and Grammy even did the dishes.

All is well on the home front.

Grammy quotes:

We were having a conversation while a news story was on tv about Whitney Houston's relationship with Bobby Brown. We told Grammy that he was abusive and she mostly understood...

Grammy: When you have a husband don't kick him!"

Me: "He can't kick me!"

Grammy: "I've heard of once in a while having to have a spanking." (giggle).

Thanks to the FAM

Grammy is obsessed when she is having a bad attack with going to a pharmacist and talking to someone to ask what she can do better to make her feel better.

Sometimes she feels totally by herself even when some one is around. Laura was here today, but when Sol and I got home Grammy was walking around outside to get fresh air during an attack and made it sound like she didn't realize that someone was home. I've been here before when she's felt like she's totally alone and gone to look for Sue instead.

She said today that when she's totally alone she is afraid of what she will do when no one is around to help her if she's feeling really badly. She's wondering if she will call the police or knock on her friend Mary's door. She's been trying to do some self healing by going out in the cold air for a walk and soaking herself in cold water.

She finds a lot of comfort in Sue being around. I think that is because she knows that Sue LIVES next door, so she can always count on her being around. The rest of us come and go.

I wanted to take a moment to say that I've been writing this blog for two reasons: 1. To act as a diary and diffuse any stress I may be feeling while living with Grammy, and 2. To hopefully help us all (family and friends) talk about what's going on with Grammy.

What I didn't anticipate is how much overflowing support I've received. It makes all the difference to know that people are reading, that people care and that people appreciate knowing about Grammy. It is so amazing what Sue, Laura and Elsa were doing before I got here. They've watched Grammy deteriorate slowly, over a long time, and have spent a lot of their own time living with her. I've barely touched the surface in terms of time and commitment and I'm just happy to be able to contribute. Plus I'm definitely benefitting from having free rent, free food and a purpose. To everyone else in the family, I don't mean to exclude your contributions. Everyone has had a positive contribution who has either directly spent time with Grammy or has supported those of us who have spent extended periods with her. As long as everyone in the family is happy and healthy, Grammy can have her mind at ease.

One hilarious incident was our whole scene cooking tonight. I tried a new recipe that involved cooking sirloins. It called for a grill, so I looked up how to do it in the oven and it said to broil them. Then Laura had bought some fresh beets and said we just had to cut them, wash them, and boil them. I don't want to get into the hairy details, but just be sure that the smoke alarm was going off for the last 15 minutes...and Grammy and I both ended up with our fingers and lips beet red. The dinner turned out okay...nothing burned. It was a comedy of errors and we had some good laughs.

Tonight I was also witness to an extended conversation between Sue, Laura and Grammy about Sue and Grammy moving down to Delaware. I'd say that Grammy was doing pretty well with it all. It sounds like she'd be willing to consider the move with the rationale that it will let her be close to family who can take care of her. Of course, her mood will change depending on the day, but it's a look upward.

Grammy quotes:

"It's different if you are pregnant and you want to have a baby soooo soooo bad that you have to do that."-- Grammy talking about eating at a buffet, within a conversation about moving with Sue and Laura. I have to admit, I walked in late so I have noooooo idea.

"If I can have nuts and chocolates, then why can't I have a little [pill]" -- Grammy when she was feeling anxious and the attack wasn't going away even after taking an afternoon pill. She was wondering why she couldn't take another pill in the afternoon after we offered her some snacks.

"My problem is my knees! I couldn't get up and chase men...after you, if they were chasing you."--She just said this as she was standing up to get dessert, she laughed and looked at me and made a motioning pretending to run. HAHA!

"I want to die in Vermont"-- Grammy told me this when Sue and Laura had left the room a while after their conversation about moving to Delware. I asked her who she would live with in Vermont and she said that she'd live at home. Then I asked what is home and she said that, right, she didn't know. Not in a way like she lost her memory of it, but more as an admission that she doesn't have a 'home' there.

All is well...

I don't know what people did before anxiety pills. I haven't looked much into the history of Alzheimer's disease, but, according to an extremely brief google search, it is something that has been described throughout history.

I'm not one to say what is normal in Grammy's case, but since I've been here she has needed 3 anxiety pills a day. As I've said, she gets one in her morning pills when she first wakes up and in her bedtime pills, which she takes before she goes upstairs to sleep. They took her off the third, noon time, pill because it made her too tired during the day. As Elsa said, she would give it to her if she asked for one during the day.

It's interesting how the pill will affect her fatigue. In the morning it doesn't seem to bother her too much, she's up puttering around all morning. The afternoon pill does seem to have a pretty strong affect on how tired she is. Yesterday she took a little nap after she had her pill and after Judy's visit, which wears her out. At night time she takes the pill and seems to sleep soundly throughout the night.

So, to return to my initial thought, I don't know how people dealt with it pre-anxiety medication because it seems like she needs it. Otherwise she'd be living in a (almost) constant state of tension, anxiety and paranoia. Maybe people just didn't live old enough for it to be a constant problem. Anyway, thank god for this bit of medical science.

Grammy on the pill is so pleasant and Grammy without it is sad and stressful. While we did have that bad attack on Monday, yesterday she was totally fine and so far today she's doing great. She's still pleasant and funny. She still complains about food and being cold. She still does the dishes almost constantly and sweeps the floor rather often. She still puts all of the dishes in the wrong cupboards. Everytime I cook she still says, "I need to learn how to cook" or "You should teach me your recipes."

Another Grammy story: Apparently over the weekend Grammy did some yard work. She loves raking and I guess she got some serious raking in. Fast forward to me throwing out some recycling today and discovering that both the trash bin and recycling bin are halfway full of leaves. I asked Sue why there would be leaves in the bins and she said that Grammy had been raking and probably put all the leaves in the bins...even though Sue told her that the leaves had to go into brown bags and NOT the trash bins. We resolved the problem by having Sol take out and repack the leaves. But it's another case where it's interesting to see what she is capable of and what just doesn't connect anymore. She was able to complete multi-step tasks, know to put the leaves in the trash, but just not that there are specific bins for different things.

In many ways living with Grammy is like being a part of the movie, Groundhog's Day. She's like Bill Murray and I'm like someone else in the movie that he comes into contact with everyday. It's as if the elements of the day is the same every time and she can vary how she approaches them. Depending on her mood she can make the day a little happier or a little sadder, but when she goes to bed, she wakes up and starts all over again with just a vague memory of what happened the day before.

In order to keep things fresh, the past couple of days we've been doing a lot of new cooking. The first try in the bread maker was a success-- one 2lb. loaf that we ate up in the past 3 days. Today I put in a new batch called "white country bread" that had a slightly different recipe. It's great. Sol made a pasta burina recipe with penne, tomato sauce, mushrooms, peas and bacon for dinner a couple of nights ago for my birthday dinner that he cooks me every year. Last night I made mashed sweet potatoes with sweet-n-spicy pork chops (chiptole in adobo sauce + orange marmalade). OMG it was sooo good. Both of these recipes came out of the cookbook that Sol's parents got for me for my birthday, The First Real Kitchen Cookbook. I just received another new cookbook from my friend Vicky, The Pioneer Woman Cooks, which I look forward to exploring after I get a little more comfortable with complex recipes.

I've also been getting my fix of tv...but remember that I only get the most basic of basic channels at Grammy's house. It must be the package for old people who can't remember what they've seen before. It's literally just cbs, nbc, fox, abc and tbs. The rest are weird non-brand tv channels that don't really have anything on it. And now I'm willing to admit that I'm that person that sits through the entire hour long weigh in session on Biggest Loser eating cool ranch doritos and drinking a gin and tonic after 9pm. Yeah...it's good to be young.

Grammy quotes (note, Grammy quotes should be imagined with a shy giggle):

"Well they certainly fit him well."--Her reaction as we were watching the Super Bowl and David Beckham's commercial came on. I explained to her that this is a famous soccer player and he has a new underwear line coming out.

"Even if I feel nutty, I should feel happy that everything else is good."--As we were watching The Revolution, a show about the overall health makeover of this woman who had cancer.