CDs, H-bands, pills and dopes

My grandmother has a home care worker that comes and spends 3 hours with her from 11am to 2pm on Mondays and Tuesdays. While Judi is here I usually go out and run errands, get lunch or watch tv at Sue's house. I always come back by 2pm, when Judi is set to leave. Today I found the two of them trying to figure out how to turn on a CD in Grammy's stereo system. I helped them out and it turns out that Judi burned Grammy a CD of her husband's music. He is in a jazz band and he plays the saxophone. It's pretty great stuff and Grammy really enjoyed it.

Yesterday it turned out that I tired Grammy out too much by looking through old photos. I find these things out because she will get upset or anxious, go to Sue's house and tell her whatever is on her mind, then Sue will let me know later when Grammy is in bed. In hindsight I could see the subtle signs of Grammy getting overwhelmed by the photos. She started out really excited and happy to look through them and telling the stories. After a while she was having a hard time recognizing people and places, even her own kids. I didn't pay it much mind at the time because they were old, black and white, faded and she had 7 kids... I don't remember when she could ever pick them all apart in photos of them as children.

Anyway, today I figured I'd try to let her rest, which means needing to get her to rest a bit in the afternoon. She listened to Judi's husband's CD for a bit, watered the plants and watched some Keeping Up Appearances. It seems to have worked pretty well. It's really unavoidable to upset or overwhelm her every once in a while because there are always new things to trigger it. For example, the photos have been a positive experience that even calms her down when she's feeling anxious since I've been here, until yesterday and it had the opposite effect. The same is true for a lot of 'activities' it seems. She will be happy sometimes to try out a craft or something once or twice, but then she doesn't have an interest in continuing it like a habit. It makes it tricky to figure out the best way to spend time with her.

Overall she does enjoy the rest and even though she says she is bored, it trumps having to do an activity that makes her face her condition. That is why I don't think swimming is in the near future, or church for that matter. She has said things that make it clear that she's concerned that she will run into someone that she knows and have to talk to them. She is afraid that she won't be able to communicate with them anymore and she is embarrassed.

Back to the CD- We wrote Judi a thank you note and I taped it to the calendar in the kitchen so that we can give it to her next Monday when she comes again. Already 6 or 7 times Grammy has asked me if we should write a thank you letter or asked me where I put the thank you note. I can tell already that this will be a constant topic until we give it to her next week. She also keeps on referring to the musician on the CD as Judi's brother, rather than husband. These are two examples of how her mind is working in general. She can't really differentiate between brothers, husbands, sons or grandsons (and double that for females too). She's referred to me as her daughter, or pointed to my aunt's in a photo and suggested that I'd remember them as my sisters. She knows that I'm her granddaughter and if asked directly she would be able to tell you so, but if her mind is working through something else and the relations are just a secondary issue, she mixes them up more than she gets them right.

Something that I'm sure you will all get a kick out of- It's becoming more and more clear that Sol being here is helping Grammy feel comfortable with me cleaning and cooking in the house. Just like the granddaughter thing, she knows that Sol is just my boyfriend, but she constantly calls him my husband. I guess she referred to me as his wife to him yesterday too (I warned him that it might happen so he wasn't too unsettled). So, get this, she thinks that it is good that I'm cooking and cleaning for my husband and she is just getting the secondary benefits. Little does she realize that I'm cooking and cleaning for her and Sol is just getting the benefits! The first sign was when she wanted me to serve him first at dinner. Usually I'm cooking dinner and Grammy is helping in the kitchen. When it's ready I always give her food first and then myself and usually just leave it there for Sol to get his own damn dinner. But when I gave her the plate she insisted that I make a plate for Sol first, "Shouldn't you give food to your husband first?!" I was like, "nooo, I'll give it to him second." And I did.

A new piece of information that is a little more concerning is that it seems that she is taking her anxiety pills at times that I'm not around. I assumed that she was taking one when she went to Sue's in the afternoon, around the time that sundowning was hitting. And I'd talk to Sue at night most of the time and she'd confirm this was the case. I came out of the shower today and Sue had texted me to check the bathroom cabinet to check on the pills that we keep in there. Grammy knows that she has a stash of her own anxiety pills there, and that if she wants to take one in the middle of the day, it's ok. I checked and there were only 3 pills left (usually it starts with about 7), but I haven't seen her take any. I'm afraid that she is taking them in the bathroom with the door closed, by herself. Sue and I decided to keep a closer eye on the number of pills there, and probably keep them in a weekly pill box so we can see if she takes one each day.

And to end on a bright note-

Here's the only funny thing Grammy said today. In reference to Laura and Elsa coming over for several days and doing everything for her, she described herself as "a dope on a log."