Moving in with Grammy

I'm a little behind since we moved in last Friday night (and it is now Tuesday), but I was weary to start this blog because I wasn't sure if it would be worth it. I've already had enough thoughts and experiences that I definitely think it's worth sharing with close friends and family who are interested in Grammy's situation, my situation and (every once in a while) Sol's situation.

We arrived late on Friday night to Grammy's house. For those who don't know, my Aunt Sue lives next door and works at home so she is a constant resource. However, she cannot take full responsibility for my grandmother at this point because she is busy with her job and her own life and it's becoming more and more clear that my grandmother requires constant attention.

One of many smart things Grammy did was having 7 children (which expounded into, like, 16 grandchildren), so she has a large support system. Different family members have visited and spent time with Grammy to keep her life running smoothly and safely and to ease the burden on Sue. My Aunts, Elsa and Laura, have taken alternating weeks spending extended periods of their time with Grammy in her house in order to make sure she's ok. I volunteered to spend from now until June with Grammy because I am in a unique place in my life between things and with enough money saved to survive without a regular paying job.

Right now my plans are to live with Grammy until June, then work for the Green Mountain Club for one more summer, then in late August I will begin graduate school. I have enough saved that I don't need to be saving more money and, by living with Grammy, I have no cost for rent or food. Sol is living with us too and he is looking for a job. An income is more important for him because he has college loans to pay off. In June, he will also go to Vermont to work and later will join me wherever I end up for grad school.

I'm looking forward to spending my time exploring some hobbies. I plan to learn to cook a ton of new things. We're borrowing one of Elsa's crock pots, but I also hope to get a bread maker and a rice cooker. I hope to compile scrapbooks and photo albums with Grammy's help in order to keep us both busy and have mementos for the rest of the family. Meanwhile, I get to watch a lot of daytime tv, clean a house, play with cats and meet up with friends who are around.

Ok-- back to the night we arrived. It was about 10pm and Elsa was staying at Grammy's. We ended up sleeping at Sue's just for the sake of not making a lot of noise upstairs where Grammy was asleep and Sue gave me one of the books that Elsa lent her about Alzheimer's disease. I read part of a pamphlet put together by the Athletic Director for the Arkansas Razorbacks. His wife had Alzheimer's and he became her primary caretaker. He compiled a booklet after years of research and caretaking that offers good advice and forewarns what changes to expect in the person with Alzheimer's and why it is happening. According to the book, Grammy is clearly in stage 2. Stage 2 isn't quite as scary as it sounds. It can last from 2-10 years and it's a time that someone goes from essentially being forgetful enough to not have their old active lifestyle, to bad enough that they cannot wash or dress themselves.

One of the parts that stood out to me the most had to do with how a person's vision changes. It can make it so that the person cannot interpret the colors that they see in a normal way. It gave several examples that are basically associated with a recognition of color and not being able to recognize what it is representing. For example, a light colored wallpaper with dark lines on it may cause hallucinations since the person isn't able to tell that the lines are attached to the wallpaper. Or someone has a dinner of chicken breast, mashed potatoes and green beans on a white plate, but is only eating the green beans. It's because they cannot distinguish the light colored foods from the plate and they cannot tell that they are there. Or if you have a dark colored floor mat in front of the bathroom door, the person may be hanging around the hallways, fidgeting with their clothes, clearly wanting to go to the bathroom but they cannot enter the room because all they see is a dark gaping hole in front of the door. You can take their hands and walk them over the rug and it will be fine, but on their own they just see a gap.

Grammy isn't there yet at all, thank goodness. But she does show several other symptoms of the second stage. She has a hard time recognizing her own clothes and will sometimes think that things are missing. I haven't witnessed this really yet, but I've heard it is happening. Thankfully, she can still dress herself fine.

She isn't able to conduct multi-step tasks. This is why she can't make tea for herself, or deal with the tv. Sol noticed that you can tell her to pick up the remote and she will feel around on her table rather than reach straight for the remote. I think it's because she doesn't initially connect the word "remote" with the object. Then you can tell her to press a certain button to turn up or down the volume, but she will have a hard time deciphering which one. However, she would be able to do it, if you are very specific and break down every step and wait until she completes the one step before you tell her the next.

She washes dishes, but she usually just manages to rinse the dishes under the water and rub it down with her fingers. If you are there, you can put the soapy sponge in her hands and she will use it. But she does not recognize that the dish drainer isn't a dish itself and she will wash it and put it "away" if she can. One scary moment on the first day that I was here involved dish washing. I heard her in the kitchen at the sink and I went to check on how she was doing. She had found the Comet under the sink and had been sprinkling it on the dishes, putting them under water and wiping them with her fingers. I told her that it isn't good to have it on her bare fingers and that she should wash her hands. She did that and let me finish washing the dishes. It's really important to not get angry or stressed out with the person because it will upset them (and really, the thing you want most is to keep them safe and to not upset them--in that order).

The thing is that it's better to go along with whatever story they are telling you, rather than correcting them, unless it's absolutely necessary. The more that mistakes and gaps in understanding or memory are pointed out, the more anxious they get about their own condition. Grammy knows that her mind is going and she acknowledges that it has changed the things that she does and is ok with many of the changes. She just forgets that she's ok with the changes.

One last example of how I am approaching living with her is say she wants a cup of tea. She won't ask for tea, but she might allude to tea, drinking something, or being cold in general. Then I ask her, "Do you want some tea?" and she says "Yes," and shakes her head and adds "but, oh, you don't have to get it!" She tends to get defensive when I insist that she let me do something for her, so once I let her get up and go to the kitchen. After about 30 seconds, I went into the kitchen and she was there looking at the coffee maker and the tea kettle. I said "Do you want some tea? I'll make some anyway for myself" and then she said, very graciously, "Oh, yes that would be nice. Thanks." Things don't always go so smoothly, but it seems like, as long as I have the time (which I do), if I just let her feel like she's going to do something for herself and then help her get it done, she feels better overall about the situation.