The Help

Hi all: I really appreciate all the comments and followers on this diary. I know Grammy has a huge support network, so I shouldn't be surprised, but it is nonetheless hugely helpful. This entry is more personal than about the day-to-day with Grammy.

Yesterday was a change of pace because my Aunt Pat came down from Newton to spend some time with Grammy. Sol and I managed to get out of the house for a few hours and went out to lunch. I have to say, it's sinking in more and more how lucky I am that Sol is the type of guy that he is. I take for granted sometimes that not every 23 year old male would be willing to live with his girlfriend's 80 year old grandmother, much less one that requires so much attention and care. He's a trooper and insanely supportive.

There is no big news with Grammy that sticks out in my mind, so instead I want to talk about the movie, The Help. My friend Amanda came over last night and watched it with me and Sol after Grammy had gone to bed. I've been looking forward to seeing the movie because I'm definitely interested in the culture surrounding the racial dynamics in the South during the civil rights movement, and it looked like it would be handled in a way that ends on a note of positive change rather than just sad.

When I got off the AT I picked up Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man and began reading it. My senior year high school english teacher told me that I had to read it. I tried to start it at one point, but I wasn't ready to get into it. I read the first 150 pages very quickly just a few weeks ago and I was very taken in by it (then I started traveling and haven't gotten back to it yet). His story begins in the segregated South and I had just walked through more of the southern states than I had ever before. Granted, I walked mainly through mountain towns where everyone was white. But tension was still on display in the form of confederate flags, and many made it very clear that they did not accept outsiders or anyone who is different from them and their kin. There were several moments when I had to stop and think, "What would this be like if I wasn't white?" "Would I be offered this ride that I so desperately need?" Anyway, I have had this stuff on my mind and the movie was definitely interesting and challenging on that level.

But the movie really spoke to me uniquely at this moment because, besides being about racial inequality, it is the story of caretakers and mother-figures. For the first time in my life, I am able to connect on a new emotional level to the stories of women who raise children or take care of the elderly. The movie is about a young woman, my age, who writes a revolutionary book about the inherent hypocrisy in the crippling tradition of hiring black maids to raise (and love) white children. The cycle completes when they children they cared for reach 20 years old, are married and have their own children to be raised by the black maid. As they grow up, these white children are closer to their black maid than their own mothers, but once they are old enough to have their own kids, they are as racist as their forefathers and mothers.

From my perspective, one character in particular was like the chimera of emotionally difficult issues that this movie raises. It was the maid, Constantine, who raised the main character, Skeeter. She was one part maid (to the house), one part mother figure (to Skeeter), and one part frail and aging grandmother figure (to her own daughter/family). All parts of her story were pretty damn sad by the end. I could see Grammy in the maternal role, the housekeeper role and the fading elderly role. It was so sad in Constantine's case because she was forced to continue to function and work as her mind was fading. We didn't talk about it, but I'm sure that between Sol, Amanda and me, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

Two nights ago, it hit me how devastating it will be when my Grandmother dies. Sorry if that seems morbid to anyone, but I say it out of respect. I realize that by spending this time with my Grandmother, and getting to know how awesome she is, I'm opening up a new emotional level in myself.

Ok, this stuff is pretty heavy for the morning, but it was too late for me to write it out last night. I'm usually not very comfortable getting so personal, but I'm starting to be brave enough to explore these issues and how they affect my life.