Rough Morning

Grammy had a rough morning.

I went down to the basement to put in some laundry and by the time I came back up, she was outside in her coat and with her cane going for a walk. She came back in at one point and said she needed to leave because she felt like she couldn't breathe in the house. She asked for a anxiety pill (which she doesn't get in the morning pills anymore as she's transitioning onto the zoloft), so I gave it to her. Then she went out for a walk up and down the street for nearly another hour. She managed to run into her friend Mary, who lives a couple of houses down while she was outside raking in her front lawn. She talks about Mary whenever we walk by her house, and yesterday on our walk she told me that she likes Mary because "she's a good catholic."

The rough morning gave way to a fine afternoon. After walking around outside for a while this morning, Grammy took a break and then decided to go out and rake some leaves. It was actually quite warm today (in the mid 50's), so the raking was just a good excuse to be outside enjoying the weather. So much physical exertion made her tired and put out her knees, though, so she spent the afternoon inside. She enjoyed (I'm serious) folding out laundry today. She aided in preparing dinner by crushing garlic and cutting up broccoli and kale. She managed to finish off a chocolate cake with oreo frosting with her bare fingers.

Tonight she took a shower under the guidance of Sue. She knows that tomorrow we will be going with Elsa to be in the Better Connecticut audience. Today we watched the show to get ourselves ready and Grammy noticed that 'she shouldn't care if she washes her hair because no one will see her,' but I noticed that when they span the audience, the mean age looks to be about 60, and the mean chromosomal count is XX. Should be interesting! More to come on that tomorrow.

In general, when I came back from Madison Sue was recounting everything that happened while I was gone. She ended by saying that it's getting worse every day. I think that she's right, but Grammy is still doing relatively alright in spite of things deteriorating. She is very aware that she's losing the faculties of her mind. She knows that she has anxiety attacks and she is pretty good about trying to deal with them on her own and with medicine. She still remembers who is family, even if she can't place the name. She still totally appreciates having people around and what we do for her. I think that above all, she doesn't want to be alone.

Every now and then she will have moments that are depressing. For example today she sat down around 1pm in her chair in the living room to rest a bit and watch tv and lamented about how everyday it's the same thing, and it's the same television, and nothing is interesting, but she can't do anything else. She's right, daytime tv seems almost insulting with how formulaic and repetitive it is. I suppose they don't expect the same people to be watching all day, every day.

But the depressing moments are temporary, so there is solace in that even if they are bound to return. I can tell that it will be very difficult for me to leave and not be able to help out for decent amounts of time anymore, but such is life. I hope that I at least manage to call her every once in a while. She's not very into talking on the phone, but she's ok with it in certain situations.